I’m sick. I don’t know what I have. Does it really matter what you have when you are just trying not to hack up a lung? I may have a buzz going on right now with my I- don’t-know-what-I-have-over-the-counter-self-medicating-drugs and thus a little cranky ……. but really???
In between my lung hacking and my medicine buzz, here is my list of what to tell people you have when they ask “What do you have?”:
1. Scurvy (We just don’t hear about it anymore – let’s bring it back!)
2. I don’t know – since you are standing in front of me – why don’t YOU tell me what it is when you get this next week.
3. I’m not really sick – I just have some sick days left to use – how’s my acting? Believable?
4. Competitor-itis. The competitor secretly infected me and now I’m here to cut productivity. It’s a tough economy – they’re getting down and dirty.
5. We’re still working on a name – but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna have my name attached to it.
6. Lung hacking disease. Called hand1cough1
7. TAASWF = Transient Antisocial Attention Syndrome with flashbacks. (then explain) It’s a disease characterized by intermittent, rapidly-changing episodes exacerbated by an unhealthy urge to avoid being near human beings in situations requiring mental focus, complicated by sudden intrusions of traumatic memories. I feel an episode coming on now …….
8. Computer Syndrome – I don’t think there is a cure
9. I’m waiting for the results, but I think I’m allergic to air
10. I mixed my drinks last night.
There you go … and in case you are thinking I had this brilliant stroke of genius with #7, I didn’t. It was found on the site called Natural News and it’s a Disease Mongering Engine. Make your own disease by heading over to the site. It has an educational message too. I’d tell you about it – but I’m really getting drowsy right about now. Click the link and create your own disease.
Cheers to OTC drugs!
Jennifer
P.S. In honor of The Bloggess Jenny Lawson … I’m going to start making Nyquil Slushies….
@ThingsAll2Good
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I like to toss out projectile irritation or 24-hour leprosy.
Ohhh….. 24 hour leprosy … THAT’s a good one! One would NEED to be confined on that one!
Nyquil slushie…I’ll take a double.
A double it is! But … in honor of snowpocalypse 2010 … I am also serving up Nyquil Snocones!
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