So, as promised here is a little follow up to my summer sporadic post issues….. I thought I would do this in an entertaining way. Before I start, I have to thank all the staff that took care of me during my hospital visit and surgery at St. Mary’s Hospital in Madison, WI. All of you rock!
Since this is my first surgery ever (surgery virgin) I have to say, it was an experience.
My issues started 4 months ago and finally came to a halt when Dr. (we’ll call him LB for “Laid Back”) gave me the news.
Dr. LB: We need to take your gall bladder out.
Me: Why, how’d I break it?
Dr. LB: These things just happen and I feel as well as the tests – this is your issue. Have you lost and/gained weight rapidly?
Me: seriously? My whole life! I had inappropriate dress sizes to squeeze myself into so I can look like all the magazine models!
Dr. LB: Sometimes that can result in gall stones and create issues for your gall bladder.
Me: So I can blame fashion and models for my issues?
Dr. LB: No.
Me: Why not? I’m thinking organ removal is going to cost some money…. And I don’t have any. Models do!
Dr. LB: (big sigh) So staying within your medical network, go online and select your surgeon.
Me: Like a dating profile?
Dr. LB: Like a professional background profile.
Me: It would be really cool if there was a dating site for Doctors … I bet women would be signing up and paying the big $ … you know … those that have it …..like models …
Dr. LB: (ignoring my brilliant idea) So when you select your surgeon, interview him and select your surgery date, I’ll see you just before for a pre-op physical and go from there. Any questions?
Me: Yes…. I wonder… (interrupted)
Dr. LB: …….questions related to the surgery…….
Me: (he knows me too well) … no. Thank you Dr. LB
Day Two:
Searching for a surgeon on website … narrowed it down to 2. One experienced Dr. of many years and one Dr. a few years into his career. Who to choose….. who to choose…. Girlfriend poll time!
Me: Wee-zee ….. which Dr. would you go with? Old or young? (very un-PC, but you get my idea)
Wee-zee: I’d go with the young one …. He probably will think more “out of the box”
Me.: How many “out of the box” ways are there for taking out an organ?
Wee-zee: Google it….
Me: nah … too much time – so you’d go with young Dr.
Wee-zee: yep
Me: After 5 more girlfriend polls … it was 1 old Dr. and 5 young Dr. Young Dr. won.
Interview with Dr. young …. Who we will now call Dr. Cutie! …. Side thought: what WOULD one do if they were single and their Cutie Dr. was single? How would that work? “Hey … thanks for taking out my gall bladder – wanna have a cup of coffee?” ????? just a random thought of mine.
Back to the story ……
Dr. Cutie: So, there are complications to this surgery – your weight being one … it may take some extra maneuvering or I may have to open you up and not do the procedure laproscopically.
ME: okay…. So like can I keep my gall bladder – I promise, I can drop like what…. 20 lbs in a couple of months – I promise.!!
Dr. Cutie: no. I’m fairly confident that we will be fine; I played a lot of video games in college, so I’m good at maneuvering while in surgery. I just need to inform you of possible complications.
Me: (soooo…… choosing Dr. “young” was a GOOD thing) okay Dr. cutie …. Play me like a video game and let’s take out the gall bladder!
Surgery Day:
Me: What the hell??? Why did I agree to this? I think my gall bladder is actually getting better… it’s a Tuesday miracle I know it ….
My Mom: Funny. You are going to surgery. Then you will stop being cranky with people because you’re in pain and you’re finally going to be healthy again.
Me: how can being put under in a coma so someone can rip an organ out of you be healthy?
Mom: Because I said so.
Me: I’m old now …. “because I said so” doesn’t work for me anymore.
Mom: okay …. Be good or I’ll tell them to “pull the plug”.
Me: I see where my nurturing side comes from……..
Nurse: okay … I’m going to pull this curtain and ask you to change into the hospital gown. I’ll be back shortly to put an IV in you and get you started for surgery.
Mom: So …. This is where I leave…. See you on the flip side. (okay … that was totally not my mom saying that …. But wouldn’t it be funny if she did?)
Nurse: okay … just relax as I thread your vein with this big a$$ needle. (no she didn’t say that either … but they frickin’ use the BIGGEST needle ever and …. And … it hurt!)
It was about this point I met Dr. good drugs…..
Dr. good drugs: Hi, I’m Dr. good drugs – … any fillings, caps, bridges, etc that we should be aware of?
Me: (not remembering clearly because nurse has stabbed me in the hand with a needle)… no
Dr. good drugs: well…. Just want to make you aware sometimes there can be chipped teeth in this process… (stabbing nurse flips on the saline test)
Me: Chipped teeth??? For my gall bladder???
Dr. good drugs walks out….. Nurse looks at my white face.
Nurse: Would you like a valium before we go further?
Me: THAT was an option??? You couldn’t have asked me that 30 minutes ago?? Umm.….. YES!
Dr. good drugs: Here’s what the Dr. ordered … (valium)
Dr. Cutie comes in ….shakes my hand….I think I may have said something about the video game comment … not sure… It’s AMAZING how that little pill works so well ……. Jennifer’s Review tip; Ask for the pre-op drugs right away!
After this …. Things are a little fuzzy…. The next thing I knew …. I was waking up from my nap with the thought “oh yea…. That’s right, I was in surgery”. Medicine is amazing – I went into surgery at 6:00 a.m. and out the door by 11:30 a.m. without a gall bladder.
4 incisions, great pain killers, a video game playing fantastic surgeon, a fabulous mom who bought me popsicles for being a “good girl” and missing one non-functioning gall bladder later …… I’m here to write again and have some fun with everyone!
So ……
LET’S WINE ABOUT IT!!!!
Cheers to cutie video playing Dr’s!
Jennifer
{ 3 trackbacks }
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
BABY GIRL PLEASE KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE LURV YOU!!!! AS ELVIEEE WOULD SAY!!!!!!!!!
This is SO funny! I think you can totally blame it on the models, though! What does a docter know about legal issues? If I were a lawyer I’d offer to help you make a case!
GIZMO …. thanks for the “keeping on” comment! I will try my best!
Borah … thanks for the unoffical/non-legal help – when I go for my case .. I will look you up!! lol .. Also … I do think there should be a dating site for Dr’s… I’ll let you know when I get that up and running!
Cheers!
J
I go for my Pre-op on Monday & Surgery on Wednesday (June 9) to get my gall bladder out too.. Thank you so much for the laugh & for the idea of drugs early on lol. My doctor isnt a cutie or old.. or even young for that matter lol. In fact, last time I saw him he was bald! I KNOW he had hair when I first met him lol.
Anyways thank you for your story & I would LOVE to know how you felt afterwards & even now!! I am SO nervous about the after effects & the low fat diet lol. that is SO not me lol.
* hugs *
Misty ~
It’s been about 8 months and I would say I’m still learning what I can eat / can’t eat. It took me about a month to feel back to normal after surgery – was back to work in a week.
I’m feeling great and you will be amazed at how bad you were feeling previously and didn’t realize it! It’s a night and day experience to feeling better for me.
Watch your food intake even after the surgery … fried things are not really your friend.
Good luck – Valium is your pre-op friend!
Jennifer´s last blog ..If You Try To Hoof Wrestle a Horse, You Probably Won’t Win